I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
