I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
