I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
