You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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