I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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