Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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