She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
