I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
