Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
