The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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