I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
