you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
