i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
