I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
