C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
