remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
