I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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