I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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