I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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