New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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