dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
