I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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