I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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