I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
