batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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