Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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