Christians are straight up FREAKS
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
