So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
