I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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