Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She bit a glass in half.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
