I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
