so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
