he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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