dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
barbara walters just said penis...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
