i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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