The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
