You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
