This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
