Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
