Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
