I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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