Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
