I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
