Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
