if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
