And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
