u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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