Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
