Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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