Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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